Saturday, May 4, 2013

Writer's Block Broken?

I woke up this morning to a beautiful pink sunrise, as I was looking at it a new poem popped into my head. I quickly wrote it out and revised it, because I have been in quite a slump for almost a year! I am hoping that my writer's block is now over because I truly enjoy writing. The poem is a bit morbid, as is most of my writing. I am just not so sure of the title yet. I look everywhere for inspiration and for some reason, it usually comes very early in the morning (I am such a morning person). Here goes:

The Hanging
Hangman’s noose tight about my neck
Pain & Desolation
I know, I hear their whispers
Dying Blind, Dying Alone
Boards shift beneath my feet
Silence for an Eternity
Suddenly—a scream
I am Free!
I have no idea where that poem came from, I wondered if that's how I really feel inside.  I do know that I have been going through a very rough time and I am almost ready to make some major changes in my life. At this point, life is a journey, one day at a time, and I do not know where this journey will take me, but I feel confident that I am on the right path! I think I just might start my new journal today, every day is a new life for me and what better way to start my new life!

Friday, April 26, 2013

It Could be Worse!

"Life ain't that bad,
Look what you have.
When the high's aren't so high,
just do what you can.
A world you can change,
and a life you choose.
'Cause somewhere out there,
somebody wishes they were you."
~Adelitas Way~
This is a few lines from a favorite song of mine, which has helped me get through this very difficult time in my life. The words say quite a bit to me. When I am feeling particularly down, I listen to this song. It always reminds me that no matter how tough it gets, it could always be worse. Do I ever need to be reminded of that from time to time. No matter the hardships and difficulties, someone has it even rougher.
This song also reminds me to be very grateful for what I do have. I always have God to lean on, and do I ever! I rely on Him so very much! Even though I am going through a rough patch, I am truly blessed! The Lord has given me so much! I don't have much in money or material things, but I have my life, my family and friends, which mean the world to me. I do Facebook an awful lot, that's the best way I know to keep up, since I do not have many that are in Indiana! My friends especially have been amazingly comforting to me lately!
I just read Baldwin's Going to Meet the Man, WOW! That poor, poor, man! He had it the worst. The story made me feel shock, amazement, and yes, even horror. It was a wonderful story, telling it like it was, but I felt terrible for the poor soul. My first husband's grandmother used to tell of a lynching she went to in Kentucky when she was a young girl-I thank the Good Lord people do not do that anymore and that I never had to witness anything so cruel. Baldwin also reminded me that I have it pretty darn good! Great story!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Life is too Short to Waste

In The Snows of Kilimanjaro, by E. Hemingway, I was reminded very much about all the things I, too, would like to write about. I find myself wondering if I will ever do it, or if I will get the time, before time runs out. I have had a temporary case of writer’s block lately. My dream is to publish my poetry, even if I get the only copy! But I feel, my best poetry is locked away inside me somewhere, and he best is yet to come. I also wonder if that’s really the attitude to have, because this story also reminded me that there may not be a tomorrow, as no one is promised another day.

Another project, which I may undertake one day, is writing a book about how it feels to be Bi-Polar, especially the very deep, dark depressions that come along with this disorder. I have some journals from a particularly dark time in my life that I will probably incorporate into the book.  I want others to know that they are not alone and those of us with this disorder do know how they feel.

The truth is that I am not getting any younger, so maybe, just maybe I will begin to write again soon! I have found that for me writing just plain and simply make me feel better, especially through the rough times. I do believe that in reading The Snows of Kilimanjaro, has possibly awakened my dreams and I might take my dreams off the back burner soon!

Writing is a great diversion for most anything. Life is too short to waste by putting our dreams on hold. Our hopes and dreams are ours totally and we should never let them go and strive for them!

Me having a good day!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Ritual

This is a poem I have written and re-written. I started this poem 9 years ago. It consisted of maybe 8 lines total. I didn't really like it, so I worked on it more during my Creative Writing course. I was basically inspired by numerous thunderstorms we were having at the time and I always had a fascination with the occult. I do not practice any such thing, I just like to read and learn about it. During this time I also had read quite a number of Anne Rice novels-I love her and her style of writing, it drew me into the stories! She, I would say, was also a bit of inspiration for this poem. It  is one of my favorites that I have written so far!

The Ritual
White, sweeping dress- simple, nothing fancy.
Barefoot in the grass
Skin is pale milky moonlight
soft, creamy silk.
Hateful, burning, cat eyes-
large and bright, green embers glowing.
Hair-black raven
long, dark carefree flowing.
Ferocious nails, blood red,
thin, twiggy fingers.
Enchanting book in left hand,
athame in right.
Standing rigid- quiet, purposeful pose.
Meadow- shadows all around.
Stars shimmer, moon glimmers
She bows her head, prays to ancient gods.
Air is warm and placid,
tranquility abounds- peaceful…
She comes alive,
performing, perverse, ancient ritual,
dance of the strange.
Mischievous, mystical, mysterious,
this solitary maiden.
The dance now over,
pink lips begin to move,
singing the song of trance.
Her voice sultry,
satin soft, alluringly sweet,
as the blood of fruit.
She now chants,
Vibrant and clear…
Faster and faster, call of the wild.
Sweat beading on her brow face aglow.
She chants, she sings, she laughs, she screams.
Ancient drumbeats fill the air.
Spirits rise.
Wind is breezy, sky alight,
lightning flashes, thunder rolls-
howls from within.
She sings with the thunder,
dances with the lightning.
Abruptly the ritual is over-
the four winds have spoken-
book closes, athame falls to the ground.
Hands limp; lips pause and pout.
Hair, a hundred black ribbons,
plastered to her face.
Prim, proper she isn’t, wild, obscure, of course.
Under the silver moon- big, bold, above,
in the shadows of the meadow…
Ancient drumbeats fade away,
Ritual now closes,
With the magic of this night.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Nick, Daisy, and Me

I totally enjoyed reading The Great Gatsby.  The characters I most relate to are Nick and Daisy.

First, I relate to Nick because I am a by-stander as he was. I prefer to be on the side-lines not drawing attention to myself. I like to listen, observe, and learn. I feel Nick was very unobtrusive; he did not pry into other’s personal problems or their lives, he basically observed. I am quite a bit like that, I do not like to hear the details of gossip or “he said, she said”, it’s none of my business, but for some reason people love to gossip to me, I think this is because they KNOW I will not repeat it. Nick is a lot like that.

I can relate to Daisy on one point: I know the feelings she must have had and the betrayal and hurt she felt at being cheated on in her marriage. I have had the same luck. Other than that point, I am nothing like Daisy; she was following the money and loved her rich lifestyle. I, unlike Daisy, do for myself. She didn’t seem capable of doing much of anything for herself or on her own.
Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. ~Nido Qubein~

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Goodbye, Aunt Joan

Death is a Dialogue between by Emily Dickinson
Death is a Dialogue between
The Spirit and the Dust.
"Dissolve" says Death -- The Spirit "Sir
I have another Trust" --

Death doubts it -- Argues from the Ground --
The Spirit turns away
Just laying off for evidence
An Overcoat of Clay.

 I have mentioned my Aunt Joan a few times in my blogs. She was always an inspiration, she was funny, and always had a smile on her face! Joan dropped out of high school and decided to take a correspondence course to graduate, which was very good for me because she took a couple literature courses, one I know was American Literature. This was in the 1970's! I couldn't wait to get my little hands on those literature books, I first started out by looking at all the fascinating pictures! Then after I learned the basics of reading, it was on! This is where I developed my love for poetry, writing, and Emily Dickinson. I should add that I also learned quite a bit from her algebra books, but that's another subject altogether.
     Joan is my Daddy's  baby sister, she is also my favorite Aunt! She was a very non-traditional woman! She played guitar, drums, raced cars and was a great mechanic! She always had jokes and made me laugh. She was my confidant and a very good friend as well. (Joan never met her Dad, Clay, my grandfather, because he died from a rock fall in the coal mines in southeastern Kentucky in July of 1956, my Aunt Joan was born one month later. She also had a hard life...she married my Uncle Bill in 1976 and he committed suicide in 1977. She worked as a housekeeper in Ohio for the last 30+ years and it was very hard work. She also loved me more than anything! She is a very special lady, who always encouraged me to get a good education and to read.
     Today is an especially hard day for me because you see, Aunt Joan had something happen to her, not sure what yet, but she has been brain-dead for the last 3 days and has been on life support, they pulled the plug today @ 11:00 am. I didn't get to say my goodbyes, again. I hate goodbyes. But I wish I could have told her that it is going to be alright and that I love her more than she probably knew, and to let her know what an inspiration she has been on my life. It was actually Joan, who introduced me to music, rock and roll to be exact, one day, when I was very little, she played Loco-Motion by Grand Funk Railroad on her record player, it was a 45 LP, and I was hooked! I have loved music since and the lyrics to songs can be so poetic. I like the form(s) that poetry takes and music is the same way for me. All I can say at this point is Joan will be sorely missed by me and many others! I love you Joan and goodbye for now, until we meet again!

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye

My Aunt Joan!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Reading and Daddy

My love for reading comes from Daddy. He was always reading things! One of my fondest memories is of Daddy stretched across his bed reading his Bible! He did this every single night! He always bought us (my siblings and I) books of all sorts. I grew up reading everything around, including the cereal box! By 5th and 6th grade, I was discovered horror, thrillers, and true crime. In 6th grade I read Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry. I found it very interesting. I have since read it 2 more times. It has been three years since I have read a good horror story! I have, over the past year, read quite a bit of poetry and American Literature! Which I love as well!
I no longer have my dearly missed Daddy. He lost his battle to cancer, July 14, 2009. He has truly been my main inspiration in life, Daddy loved the Lord, was full of life and had great integrity. He is the one who encouraged me to return to college, after dropping out of high school in 1986. I did return in 2010 and have never been happier with the direction my life is going!
Daddy had an 8th grade education, but he was one of the smartest and wisest people that I knew! Like I said, he always read things-books, magazines, and especially the Bible. After Daddy was diagnosed with terminal cancer, one of my uncles asked what we all wanted to ask, and that was "Are you afraid of dying?" Daddy then explained that he was going to a much better place to be with God, and the final answer to the question was a simple "No."  I miss Daddy like crazy but I thank God for my 39 years of happy memories!
Daddy and my oldest daughter, 1989
**Another fond memory of Daddy, his love for all babies and children, they always had a special place in his heart, especially for his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren!**
As a well spent day brings happy sleep,
so life well used brings happy death.
-Leonardo DaVinci